downside.

suck. suck. suck. suck. och åter... suck.
jag är extremt låg och det värsta är att jag inte vet vad som är fel. ok att jag var på uruselt humör torsdag och fredag men det lilla kan inte vara problemet. torsdag vart jag.. sur helt enkelt, anarosa tyckte jag skulle hänga med dem till the beach [här blev jag oerhört glad då jag äntligen hittade tillbaka till mitt favorittypsnitt, just thought i'd tell ya!], frågade mardi direkt när jag kom hem men hon sa att hon ville fundera på det, okej inget fel med det men att sen vänta tills långt efter jag skulle ha behövt åkt och fortfarande inte fått ett ja eller nej gör en lite sur, ja. (the beach ungdoms-dansklubb typ..) så torsdag var jag sur för det. fredag hade amber frågat om jag vill hänga med henne, chadwick och co till en spelning och sen hänga hos henne, men här hemma ville de ha family night. så jag var sur igen.

en sak som är helt värdelöst med att vara låg eller på dåligt humör, iaf när det gäller mig, är att minsta lilla förvärrar det och gör mig irriterad. exempelvis atm då jag är helt sjukt less på andrew och hur enormt bortskämd mänskan är, det är traaaagiskt. oh well, inte något som kommer få jorden att gå under men atm så stör det mig. jag är pessimisten (stavning?) nummer ett just nu.



i ett försökt att muntra upp mig själv köpte jag fyra chokladkakor på fred meyer efter lunch, 3 hershey's (vet inte vad som fick mig att köpa dem, amerikansk choklad är inte mkt att hurra för) och 1 lindt (där snackar vi riktig europeisk kvalitet).., efter det tittade jag in poå north western beauty och gav följande förklaring till mardi "jag behöver inget där, men jag vet att när jag går in kommer jag hitta något som jag inte behöver och köpa det". och sen blev det 2 cdskivor (regina spektor och motion city soundtrack) också, vet inte om summan som är kvar på mitt kort kommer att få mig att hurra direkt...



tänkte posta min engelska uppsats, ha i tanke att jag skrev den dagen innan inlämning, och veckans konstiga humör var inget undantag just då.... (tag i akt, lite småfel lär förekomma!)



The hardships of living in a developed country
Dishes, dishes, dishes – never before has that word meant as much to me as it does today. Last night the dishwasher was filled and someone pushed the button that made it start cleaning the dishes. Finally the problem of dirty dishes was out of the way. This morning though when I entered the kitchen I met a green light announcing that the dishwasher had finished. I refused to look at it and I closed my eyes when I put my dirty breakfast-bowl in the sink so that I wouldn’t see the pile beginning to build up there. I left the house this morning hoping that the dishes would be gone when I came back but when I re-entered the house later that day the first thing I noticed was the pile of dirty dishes which seemed to have grown since I last saw it. It seems strange that something that is meant to help makes me act like this, so I ask myself: what’s the effect on me of our dishwasher? First of all that white cube of electronic kitchen equipment creates a burden. It comes with the good intention to clean your dishes for you so you don’t have to do it all by hand. But it does not load nor unload itself. It doesn’t even start by itself, no, no you have to press a button to start it, imagine that! So you’ve finally finished loading the dishwasher, you turn it on and think you are done. But no, an hour later the dishes are clean but that also means you have to unload and reload that white 3-dimensional square. It is a never-ending cycle of pure burden. You’re never free except for that hour when the good-intentional machine finally does its job. The rest of the time it is either waiting for you to fill it or empty it. The green light intended to show that the washing cycle has ended reassures me that there is no end to that cycle. In the second place it demands responsibility. A dishwasher is like a man because it demands a lot of maintenance to function, it does not go all by itself and no matter how you try to keep it in an orderly state, it will stay clean for a while but due to the characteristics it was born with it will always come back to the state you so desperately tried to get it out of. So perfect and spotless when you first get it but soon you start to see blotches and grease marks on it’s before so clear surface. Not just anyone can be trusted with the difficulties surrounding the machine; it has to be someone who understands the importance of maintaining the “never-ending cycle”. Someone that is aware of how an interrupted cycle would affect the people depending on it. A dishwasher filled with clean dishes that does not get unloaded has no room for dirty dishes and it is a fact that the amount of dirty dishes increases and the amount of clean dishes decreases when no one does the dishes. It is a complicated and serious matter because eventually when you run out of clean plates there will be no place to put the food on, which after a series of unfortunate events might lead to obesity or starvation. It also has to be someone who can do a proper and thorough job when loading the apparatus because you want to fit as much as possible in there without cramming things in it since that could make it difficult for the device to function properly. So unless you are a very responsible person, stay away from the object and that way we can all go to sleep knowing that there will be a secure world to return to when we wake up. In the third place it makes me irritated. I become so aggravated when I am in desperate need of a kitchen-tool of some kind that I can’t seem to find, just to discover it a couple of moments later in the back of the “invention” all dirty and unusable unless I want to expose myself to myriads of microscopic evil-doers that might have something as pleasant as Ebola-virus in store for me. An example is the ice-cream scoop which is always in the machine – befouled. There I am after a struggle that can only be compared to climbing up a mountain with a pair of skis on your back. The struggle being the thought of ice cream entering my mind, the thought develops and turns into a desperate craving. Then follows an internal argument in my head about whether or not I will have ice cream. After the pro-side of my brain has won the debate there is no way out of it all than to actually eat the ice cream. So there I am at the top of the mountain ready to finally put my skis on and soar down the mountainside, but as I stand there I realize that I forgot my ski boots and all the sweat I shed was nothing worth. The ice cream-scoop is in the electronic cube – polluted. I am left with an indescribable yearn for ice cream and an ever-growing irritation towards the fantastic piece of equipment that’s holding my scoop captive. In the fourth place it challenges me. A burden though it may be, to be the one who clears out the dishes is to be the one who is most responsible, reliable and mature. I am in a constant competition against the other possible dish-unloaders in our household, my advantage being that I actually know there is a competition. The other humble human beings residing in our home has not yet become victims to the evil gadget that cleans our forks and knives. As competitive as I am I cannot lose a battle, especially not one over dishes. But what is the prize of this competition you might wonder. Well winning a battle earns you trust from the masters of the household, gratitude and a few sweet words. You are portrayed as a more generous and helpful person than you really might be (for Christ sake all you did was taking care of the dishes) but there is nothing wrong with people thinking higher of you than you deserve to be thought of. But you most enter the competition to get your hands on the prize, which so far only has my familiar fingerprints on its shiny surface. Here I enter my fifth and final point: I love dirty dishes and I hate clean dishes. All dirty dishes always would mean no clean plates in need of being brought back to their place in the cabinets. Which is one of the very reasons to why I detest clean dishes, it takes a lot of hard and honest labor to help the clean plates and silverware back to their origins somewhere amongst the many cabinets and drawers. It is just another problem, another obstacle on the road that I refuse to ever walk down. All dirty dishes would just mean a machine full of the kind just waiting for you to load it up with even more stained silverware. No more unloading! No more starting the godforsaken contraption - just dirty dishes everywhere, peace at last! So back to my question, what effect does the dishwasher have on me? It is safe to say that it definitely puts a lot of stress on my mind what with the anger, irritation and challenges it brings. I think it would be best if we just got rid of it and used paper plates and plastic cutlery instead. But then maybe it would be the trash-can putting all that stress on my mind instead.


ja, och nej inte alls överdrivet och helt oerhört seriöst. borde kolla om the shrink har tid för mig någon dag.



apropå vad som står en bit upp, family night - pictionary. ok att jag var grumpy men här är scenariot:

min tur att uttrycka min konstnärliga förmåga för att beskriva ett ord, ordet är... cuba. cuba, cuba, cuba... hmmm vad vet jag om cuba? här är vad som hamnar på pappret:

för den som av någon anledning itne fattar: landmassa till vänster är usa, öarna under är västindien, landmassa till häger är ryssland, jag valde att skippa europa. gubben i ryssland har ryssmössa och vodkaflaska med glass bredvid sig, helt uppenbart ryssland. på en av öarna, cuba, så finns tvp kanoner eller missiler eller vad du nu än tycker det liknar, som skjuter mot usa. pilen indikerar att de kommer från ryssland. snabb historialektion för den som fortfarande inte fattar, kalla kriget, ryssland plcerade missiler på cuba för att kunna attackera usa, dock avfyrades de aldrig men men. hur uppenbar är inte bilden? det är cuba! kan inte förstå att de inte gissade det. de försvarade sig dock genom att påpeka att jag glömde florida och att ryssland är på andra sidan.. oh well.

insane långt inlägg, ni ska veta att jag är uttråkad thats why!

ok, tror jag bör sluta nu, ska hålla det kort i framtiden.

out.